You know you need a new translation of the Bible when the pastor has to translate each verse into Modern English.
I’m not kidding. The church I go to uses only the King James Version (cue the somber organ music) and the pastor will quote a verse, and then say, “What this means is...” or “What Paul is saying is...” I can’t get over how ridiculous “didst”, “hadst” and “werst” sound. (What kind of “werst”? You mean like, bratwurst?) Churches make a huge mistake when they decree “only the King James”. The mistake? By decreeing that, you’re essentially assuring that the church will only attract white people...the only ones who can (sort of) make sense of the Old English. You know what? People who speak English as a second language, for example, will automatically look elsewhere for a church if they can’t understand the stuffy KJV. Believe me, it’s true...churches that use a simpler version are always more racially diverse, just check it out for yourself. As for me, I’m sick of the KJV and even sicker of the 95-year-old white people. Yeah, I’ve heard all the rumors swirling around that the KJV was written personally by God through a bunch of monks. Evidently there were about a dozen monks who, working independently, all came out with the exact same translation: the KJV, or so the story goes. Which has to mean that all other translations are grossly inaccurate. Or that we had to resort to other translation methods since there just aren’t as many monks running around as there used to be.
Incidentally, this also could be the reason why youth groups tend to attract more kids than Sunday services in those churches. I happen to have the best youth minister on Earth...and as an added bonus, he uses a different translation.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Islam
Just like that particular bunch of goofy Christians who say that the King James Version is the only “real” Bible, Muslims say that the only true Koran is the one written in Arabic. Convenient, since some of them are obviously embarrassed by the calls to violence against “infidels” and the wife-beating. The main setback in Iraq---the one that we 21st century people never saw coming: Muslims shooting other Muslims...Sunnis and Shi'ites...because they happen to disagree on a few passages in the Koran. (I think most Presbyterians are nuts, but that DOES NOT mean I'm going to walk in during one of their church services and waste 'em with an AK-47.)
If any more proof is needed that Islam is an antiquated religion that keeps its subjects trapped in the 6th century, then just look at what’s happening in Pakistan. The Koran-toting, towel-head clerics are over there spreading the rumor among locals that the American-made polio vaccine, which is given mostly to kids by aid workers, is an “infidel vaccine” that will sterilize Pakistani children. I guess there’s an added bonus in this for the whacko clerics...when Pakistani children are maimed and dying from polio, they can still find some vague way to transfer the blame for that and the rest of their Turd-world problems to the United States. That’s how it always goes...the crazy Muslims say that they’d like to wipe America off the face of the earth, but it would actually be a real drag not having America to blame everything on. It has to be the fault of McDonald’s and America’s imperialism that most Islamic countries are filthy garbage dumps. It couldn’t be because of their archaic religion that hinders progress in the field of medicine and pretty much everywhere else as well. Oh, no!
Besides all that, Islam has another quirk: Violent or not, the Koran is poorly written. Try to sit down and actually read it, and those accustomed to the Bible will quickly begin to choke. Even after you get past the poor grammar, incorrect syntax, run-on sentences and non-sequiturs, you’ll find that there’s nothing there. It all boils down to the usual be-good-and you’ll-get-to-heaven stuff. Well, “good” by their definition, not that of modern civilization.
Atheists like to say that Christianity is also antiquated, and I’ll admit that a certain few of us are trapped in the 1700’s. Legalism irritates me so much! I think it’s a pain when people associate certain styles of clothing with their faith, as though denim jumpers are supposed to mean something in the afterlife. We’re not antiquated, folks! The Bible is timeless! Christianity is supposed to free us, not tie us down with ridiculous, non-Biblical dress codes. So you anti-jeans people can take your dresses, ties, leather shoes, King James Versions and shove ‘em, since we’re not Muslims!
More on the King James coming up soon.
If any more proof is needed that Islam is an antiquated religion that keeps its subjects trapped in the 6th century, then just look at what’s happening in Pakistan. The Koran-toting, towel-head clerics are over there spreading the rumor among locals that the American-made polio vaccine, which is given mostly to kids by aid workers, is an “infidel vaccine” that will sterilize Pakistani children. I guess there’s an added bonus in this for the whacko clerics...when Pakistani children are maimed and dying from polio, they can still find some vague way to transfer the blame for that and the rest of their Turd-world problems to the United States. That’s how it always goes...the crazy Muslims say that they’d like to wipe America off the face of the earth, but it would actually be a real drag not having America to blame everything on. It has to be the fault of McDonald’s and America’s imperialism that most Islamic countries are filthy garbage dumps. It couldn’t be because of their archaic religion that hinders progress in the field of medicine and pretty much everywhere else as well. Oh, no!
Besides all that, Islam has another quirk: Violent or not, the Koran is poorly written. Try to sit down and actually read it, and those accustomed to the Bible will quickly begin to choke. Even after you get past the poor grammar, incorrect syntax, run-on sentences and non-sequiturs, you’ll find that there’s nothing there. It all boils down to the usual be-good-and you’ll-get-to-heaven stuff. Well, “good” by their definition, not that of modern civilization.
Atheists like to say that Christianity is also antiquated, and I’ll admit that a certain few of us are trapped in the 1700’s. Legalism irritates me so much! I think it’s a pain when people associate certain styles of clothing with their faith, as though denim jumpers are supposed to mean something in the afterlife. We’re not antiquated, folks! The Bible is timeless! Christianity is supposed to free us, not tie us down with ridiculous, non-Biblical dress codes. So you anti-jeans people can take your dresses, ties, leather shoes, King James Versions and shove ‘em, since we’re not Muslims!
More on the King James coming up soon.
Friday, March 9, 2007
American Idol and networks in general
Yeah, I know, a lot of things irritate me. Now it's network TV too.
The nightly news on our local Fox station is just a big huge AD for American Idol! I'm sorry to let everyone know that American Idol isn't news! Yeah, Simon's comments are pretty funny, but that's entertainment, not "breaking news". Good grief...
And Carrie Underwood's music as well. She's got good pipes, no denying that, but it's COUNTRY! Yeah, I know that too...I'm a conservative and I live in Oklahoma so I should like that stuff, but I don't. Instead of Toby Keith, Alan Jackson and Gretchen (gag) Wilson, I prefer Avenged Sevenfold, Demon Hunter and Thousand Foot Crutch.
Getting back to the subject of network TV, I've noticed that Jay Leno, for example, will usually only have guests on that promote some TV show on MSNBC, and David (gag) Letterman only those on CBS. So what is this, a big ad system or what?
The nightly news on our local Fox station is just a big huge AD for American Idol! I'm sorry to let everyone know that American Idol isn't news! Yeah, Simon's comments are pretty funny, but that's entertainment, not "breaking news". Good grief...
And Carrie Underwood's music as well. She's got good pipes, no denying that, but it's COUNTRY! Yeah, I know that too...I'm a conservative and I live in Oklahoma so I should like that stuff, but I don't. Instead of Toby Keith, Alan Jackson and Gretchen (gag) Wilson, I prefer Avenged Sevenfold, Demon Hunter and Thousand Foot Crutch.
Getting back to the subject of network TV, I've noticed that Jay Leno, for example, will usually only have guests on that promote some TV show on MSNBC, and David (gag) Letterman only those on CBS. So what is this, a big ad system or what?
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
the West Coast
Right now I live in Oklahoma, but I'm planning on moving to California sometime soon. Wether to go to college or what, I haven't quite decided. I've been joking that, "I don't really care what college I go to, as long as it's in California and it's not a college!" My family thinks I'm nuts. My mom is from a very small town in SE Missouri, and she gives me a horrified look whenever I talk about how much I want to live in Cali. I believe she said, "Ewww! Yuck! Why would you want to live out there with all those liberals?" My dad grew up in Anaheim and hates the West Coast mainly because of the high cost of living, and said that our house would cost around $3 million, were it in California instead of Oklahoma. "I could transfer out to LAX anytime I wanted [he works for a certain airline] but they'd pay me EXACTLY the same amount as they do now." Well, yeah, I know it's expensive and I'm not looking forward to the butt-munch liberals who run everything. Am I nuts? Should I go with the West Coast, or look elsewere? I've heard that a) in Los Angeles, it costs $80,000 a month to own a house, and b) in NYC, $80,000 a month to own a car. I think I'll trade this job for what's behind Curtain A! No teeny little towns where everybody knows everybody else. No thanks!
Monday, March 5, 2007
Revisionist history Rant
Part of my required reading is the revisionist history series A History Of US by Joy Hakim, which is really starting to get on my nerves!
In book #9 (for those who care to wade through Joy Hakim’s subjective BS) she writes on the subject of the Scopes trial, “A young schoolteacher is on trial because of what he is teaching in his classroom. Actually, it is modern science that is on trial, and separation of church and state.” Why do liberals automatically scream “church” whenever somebody questions their pet theory of Evolution? You don’t have to be religious to see that Evolution is a bunch of nonscientific hooey that was dreamed up way before people knew anything about DNA and genetics.
Hakim also gushes on Betty Freidan and Margaret Sanger (say no more) and even Alfred Kinsey. If you ask me, Douglas MacArthur or Winston Churchill would have been better choices, but then again, I’m not a history expert like Joy Hakim.
She even goes so far as to say, rather snidely, that people in the 30’s and 40’s were afraid of Communists because of their belief in the nonexistence of God. According to Hakim, Americans back then were all a bunch of religious fanatics who didn’t want their precious churches closed down by a Communist government. (I’m sure it didn’t have anything at all to do with the fact that Communists also believe in a central government the size of Rosie O’Donnell’s keester.)
As a final touch to the book’s blatant partiality, Hakim tells of how FDR, in his infinite wisdom, saved the country with his Almighty Government programs. Social Security, one of FDR’s creations, gets the author’s full endorsement. (Just for the record, if you honestly think you’re going to see a dollar from Social Security when you retire...you’re officially insane.)
Well, that’s it. Those books are just about the most irritating propaganda I’ve come across in quite a while, so I couldn’t resist hating on them for a minute.
In book #9 (for those who care to wade through Joy Hakim’s subjective BS) she writes on the subject of the Scopes trial, “A young schoolteacher is on trial because of what he is teaching in his classroom. Actually, it is modern science that is on trial, and separation of church and state.” Why do liberals automatically scream “church” whenever somebody questions their pet theory of Evolution? You don’t have to be religious to see that Evolution is a bunch of nonscientific hooey that was dreamed up way before people knew anything about DNA and genetics.
Hakim also gushes on Betty Freidan and Margaret Sanger (say no more) and even Alfred Kinsey. If you ask me, Douglas MacArthur or Winston Churchill would have been better choices, but then again, I’m not a history expert like Joy Hakim.
She even goes so far as to say, rather snidely, that people in the 30’s and 40’s were afraid of Communists because of their belief in the nonexistence of God. According to Hakim, Americans back then were all a bunch of religious fanatics who didn’t want their precious churches closed down by a Communist government. (I’m sure it didn’t have anything at all to do with the fact that Communists also believe in a central government the size of Rosie O’Donnell’s keester.)
As a final touch to the book’s blatant partiality, Hakim tells of how FDR, in his infinite wisdom, saved the country with his Almighty Government programs. Social Security, one of FDR’s creations, gets the author’s full endorsement. (Just for the record, if you honestly think you’re going to see a dollar from Social Security when you retire...you’re officially insane.)
Well, that’s it. Those books are just about the most irritating propaganda I’ve come across in quite a while, so I couldn’t resist hating on them for a minute.
Question for girls
What is it about girls and girlie-men?! I heard this one chick gushing over Clay Aiken and how he was “sooooooo cute” and it was all I could do to keep from puking! I’ve noticed that girls seem to have a thing for effeminate men who look like...well...girls! Aiken is just about the second-ugliest guy in the world (Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the first) but he still has chicks falling all over him. We guys are the opposite: We don’t really care for girls that look like men...that just ain’t cool. I know for a fact that I wouldn't miss all those foo-foo-girlie, teeny-boppy bands that show up, get famous for a day or two, and then disappear. The Click 5 is one extreme example---They were on every other channel a couple of years ago, but it looks as though all those screaming girls in the audience have had to take their handmade signs and T-shirts elsewhere. I’ve yet to meet a chick who likes a an all-male band whose members look like men, sing like men, and write songs that aren’t all sappy and worthless.
R.I.P. Britney
I keep hearing that Britney Spears shaving her head was a “cry for help” and it’s driving me nuts!!! There is absolutely NO rationality behind the behavior of a drug addict, no matter how it may look to us sober people. Hello, people...When people are on drugs, they do the things they do for one reason and one reason only: THEY’RE ON DRUGS! So, I’m sorry to say, the idea that her behavior was a “desperate plea for help” is complete BS! Thankfully, she's getting ready to croak and join Anna Nicole Smith in He...uh...I mean, San Francisco. Now, if only all of those Hollywood skanks would O.D. on something and shut up. You know something good must be happening in Iraq, since the media is using these non-stories to distract everybody just like they always do. Even Fox is doing it, for gosh sakes!!!
Rant about homeschoolers
Note to everybody reading this: I'm homeschooled myself, so I reserve the right to make the following observations:
I know several kids who have been homeschooled their whole lives, and, through no fault of their own, are quite naïve. Just pick up almost any homeschooling magazine these days, such as The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, and you’ll read a plethora of articles written by rather self-righteous moms bragging about how they threw their TVs in the trash and isn’t that fantastic. And of course, the exposés revealing Satan as the cunning originator of rock music. The ultra-legalistic lunatic fringe of homeschooling not only advocates no TV, but also bans jeans and shorts. (Apparently there’s a verse in the Bible somewhere that says those things are sinful, but they’ve never provided me with the reference.) My sister plays basketball with a homeschool sports organization that is, fortunately, NOT real concerned with that stuff...which I think is way awesome. (Got to give them some props: http://www.noahjags.org.) Once and awhile, her team plays against another organization (I won't reveal their name, but here's a hint: their acronym is also the name of someone who cooks) and several of their guys wear pants during games. I always have a good laugh after seeing that...the kind of trouble people will go to to look pious and they end up acting almost like Muslims! I'm just glad my family and the other cool people at NOAH really know the Bible and where the money's at when it comes to that stuff.
I know several kids who have been homeschooled their whole lives, and, through no fault of their own, are quite naïve. Just pick up almost any homeschooling magazine these days, such as The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, and you’ll read a plethora of articles written by rather self-righteous moms bragging about how they threw their TVs in the trash and isn’t that fantastic. And of course, the exposés revealing Satan as the cunning originator of rock music. The ultra-legalistic lunatic fringe of homeschooling not only advocates no TV, but also bans jeans and shorts. (Apparently there’s a verse in the Bible somewhere that says those things are sinful, but they’ve never provided me with the reference.) My sister plays basketball with a homeschool sports organization that is, fortunately, NOT real concerned with that stuff...which I think is way awesome. (Got to give them some props: http://www.noahjags.org.) Once and awhile, her team plays against another organization (I won't reveal their name, but here's a hint: their acronym is also the name of someone who cooks) and several of their guys wear pants during games. I always have a good laugh after seeing that...the kind of trouble people will go to to look pious and they end up acting almost like Muslims! I'm just glad my family and the other cool people at NOAH really know the Bible and where the money's at when it comes to that stuff.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Sports
I’m hoping somebody will be able to answer all the questions I have about sports.
For one thing, why is football the most popular sport in the United States? I can’t stand football---math is the only thing more boring. I see those idiots who pay $6,000 for a seat right next to the field...for what?! If I had 6K lying around, I’d spend it on something useful like a brand-new computer. I’ve seen satellite TV “sports packages” which cost $150 extra per month. A hundred and fifty bucks so you can watch a ball being thrown around.
And never mind the people who actually play football professionally. I’m predicting that, 40 years from now, all retired NFL players will have Alzheimer’s from getting their skulls smashed together one too many times. I’ve never had a concussion before, and I wouldn’t come within a hundred miles of any sport if I knew there was even a 1% chance I’d get one. Brain injuries? No thanks!!! Basketball and baseball players usually retire all in one piece, whereas football players are just huge bruises.
Besides, football is just too freakin’ complicated!!! Basketball and baseball are relatively simple, not to mention much less risky.
Another thing about sports that I don’t understand is how and why people decide their loyalties to a particular team. Here in Oklahoma, the rivalry between OU and OSU is so intense, it’s almost like a battle between political parties. I’ve heard of grown men who refuse to speak to each other just because one is an OU fan and the other is an OSU fan. That I find unforgivably retarded. How do people decide to like a certain team? I know people who say, “Team X is the best! Go Team X!” even though Team X loses every game they play. When asked why, the fans always say, “They rule!” Even though they don’t rule. Why is that?!
For one thing, why is football the most popular sport in the United States? I can’t stand football---math is the only thing more boring. I see those idiots who pay $6,000 for a seat right next to the field...for what?! If I had 6K lying around, I’d spend it on something useful like a brand-new computer. I’ve seen satellite TV “sports packages” which cost $150 extra per month. A hundred and fifty bucks so you can watch a ball being thrown around.
And never mind the people who actually play football professionally. I’m predicting that, 40 years from now, all retired NFL players will have Alzheimer’s from getting their skulls smashed together one too many times. I’ve never had a concussion before, and I wouldn’t come within a hundred miles of any sport if I knew there was even a 1% chance I’d get one. Brain injuries? No thanks!!! Basketball and baseball players usually retire all in one piece, whereas football players are just huge bruises.
Besides, football is just too freakin’ complicated!!! Basketball and baseball are relatively simple, not to mention much less risky.
Another thing about sports that I don’t understand is how and why people decide their loyalties to a particular team. Here in Oklahoma, the rivalry between OU and OSU is so intense, it’s almost like a battle between political parties. I’ve heard of grown men who refuse to speak to each other just because one is an OU fan and the other is an OSU fan. That I find unforgivably retarded. How do people decide to like a certain team? I know people who say, “Team X is the best! Go Team X!” even though Team X loses every game they play. When asked why, the fans always say, “They rule!” Even though they don’t rule. Why is that?!
High school diploma complex
Anybody ever think about this?!
Every time anyone my age tries to get a job, it always comes down to whether the person has a high school diploma. People act like the possession of a high school diploma is something almost magical. It's driving me nuts! High school diplomas don't mean anything!
Case in point: My aunt is an authorized U.S. Cellular agent and runs several stores. I've asked her for a job numerous times, but she always nails me with the fact that I have no high school diploma. That supposedly means that I'd be a bad employee, right? Well, let's see...She's constantly updating us with horror stories about her crappy employees who leave trash laying around, get their tongues pierced, smart off to customers and show up late for work. She even has a few snobs who think they need big fat raises since the minumum wage just went up, even though they're already making more than the now-current minumum wage. Several weeks ago, they had one girl steal a hundred bucks, and then say that she lost it. But since all these people have high school diplomas, that makes them just the people for the job, right? Give me a BREAK!!! A high school diploma is just a slip of paper that shows the person learned the material in order to pass the tests. That's all!!
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