Sports

I’m hoping somebody will be able to answer all the questions I have about sports.

For one thing, why is football the most popular sport in the United States? I can’t stand football---math is the only thing more boring. I see those idiots who pay $6,000 for a seat right next to the field...for what?! If I had 6K lying around, I’d spend it on something useful like a brand-new computer. I’ve seen satellite TV “sports packages” which cost $150 extra per month. A hundred and fifty bucks so you can watch a ball being thrown around.

And never mind the people who actually play football professionally. I’m predicting that, 40 years from now, all retired NFL players will have Alzheimer’s from getting their skulls smashed together one too many times. I’ve never had a concussion before, and I wouldn’t come within a hundred miles of any sport if I knew there was even a 1% chance I’d get one. Brain injuries? No thanks!!! Basketball and baseball players usually retire all in one piece, whereas football players are just huge bruises.

Besides, football is just too freakin’ complicated!!! Basketball and baseball are relatively simple, not to mention much less risky.

Another thing about sports that I don’t understand is how and why people decide their loyalties to a particular team. Here in Oklahoma, the rivalry between OU and OSU is so intense, it’s almost like a battle between political parties. I’ve heard of grown men who refuse to speak to each other just because one is an OU fan and the other is an OSU fan. That I find unforgivably retarded. How do people decide to like a certain team? I know people who say, “Team X is the best! Go Team X!” even though Team X loses every game they play. When asked why, the fans always say, “They rule!” Even though they don’t rule. Why is that?!